Pt1 of 3 (Cold Hard Miles under the belt)

Even the dog is wondering how long since I last used the bike

Even the dog is wondering how long since I last used the bike

So I have a three pronged attack planned for world domination.

The first and, to be honest, most obvious is getting back on the old steed (thats my bike if it wasnt clear enough). I need to start peddling for success – there is no way I can do this unless I get used to sitting in a saddle for hours on end.

So weekends will be predominantly be aimed at cracking out the skin tight cycling gear and doing my best to not look like the Mitchelin Man on two wheels. Saying that as long as I improve my weekly miles each week, el Mitchelino may just end up doing one (well thats the plan huh?)

And, to me at least, it’s clear as.

Thats the target, to improve the miles in the saddle each week / month. So, fook it, what we waiting for? (Oh yeah, the bikes at home – balls!!!)

I am also going to set myself the goal of riding a sportive every month. I think this will help because I mainly ride alone. The introduction of riding as part of a group may help fight off some of the solitude in wonewee old me cycling all awowne.

With the sportives I plan to use them to set myself monthly targets. As the months go by the mileage will go up until I reach June / July and I am hitting to 100+ mile rides.

I believe if I can get this fat harris to the point I am smacking out 100 mile rides by July then I am well on the way to John O’ Groats.

The list of Sportives and their dates are;

23/3/14 – Belvior Classic Sportive (34 miles or 62 miles – depending on the next couple of months training)

26/4/14 – Dare 2b Rutland CiCLE Tour (75 miles)

18/5/14 – 3rd Marholm Sportive (70 miles)

22/6/14 – Wiggle Flatout in the Fens (112 miles)

26/7/14 – Circuit of the Fens Grand Prix (this is the sportive where I am aiming to complete the 132 miles route)

So, there you have it, there is every chance I am all mouth and no trousers but we will see huh?

Now you will have to excuse me, I need to go buy a shoe horn and a tub of vaseline to help squeeze me back into my lycra.

Dont miss the next exciting installment – Pt2 of 3 (Food Glorious Food)


The Hardest Part of a Long Journey…

My last packet? I bloody well doubt it!!!

My last packet? I bloody well doubt it!!!

… Can be the very first step.

Or so they say. Well let’s hope that’s what they say because my first trip to the gym after agreeing to do LEJOG, was a relatively easy thing to do.

It must have been the guilt of that packet of Cheese and Onion and a Kitkat straight after lunch. Hmmm!!!

I only banged out a half hour on an exercise bike but I sweated like a b!tch. I also had a chat with the Gym Manager and have arranged the creation of a training plan to help me bag this baby.

If you add to this the calorie counting I’ve started today also then I’m quite chuffed with my Monday.

I know it’s day 1 but let me have this glory to bask in. No matter how small my first step is, it has been taken – so nerr!!!.

So let it begin…

He agreed to do what?

He agreed to do what?


I’m still wondering how this happened. How, after a weekend necking lager and Jack Daniels; a weekend of eating pizza, fry ups, crisps, burgers and chips; a weekend where the only exercise I did was to walk into town in time for the first 6 nations game on the tele. How on earth did I end up agreeing to a Lands End to John O’ Groats cycle ride.

My first problem is now I’ve said I’ll do it, I’m kind of committed.

My second problem is that the people I will be sharing this joyous adventure know an electric power assisted push bike when they see one. I just wouldn’t get away with that.

My third problem is I’m 21 stone. Yep, that’s right, 21 fooking stone. I know that because I’ve just dug out the scales. They groaned when I stood on them and shouted at me to ‘get off, you fat knacker’.

And I know what you’re thinking and you’re spot on. I am a fat b@$t@rd. How the heck am I going to pedal my fat harris the length of this great country we call home.

Well, I have absolutely no idea.

It’s fair to say that I’ve got some serious changes in lifestyle ahead of me. And these changes are going to require a certain positive attitude and hard work. I’m going to have to train my doodahs off. If I don’t commit to this fully I will fail. The changes are integral to success and huge and they must start now… Hang on, I’ve got one more mouthful of this chocolate muffin to finish… Mmm, lovely… Now, the changes start now. Buuurrp!!!